Sara Benincasa Lives Here

I'm remarkably pro-nap.

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Anonymous asked: Sara, how the hell is one supposed to know they're in love? For real.

I think it is when you want to hang out with somebody forever.

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Anonymous asked: Dear Sara, I'm a 26 year old woman and a virgin. I was ultra religious until I was 23 and by the time i came to terms with myself (and realize that sex isn't going to send me to hell) then I was just awkward around guys. Now I really just want to loose my V-card and be done with it but I don't know what to do about it... any advice?

Study up! Read books like “Moregasm” and “The Guide to Getting It On.” Study Babeland’s website. Make yourself feel good before you expect anyone else to do it. Get to know your body. Fantasize! Make it an awesome project. You are going to have so much fun.

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Anonymous asked: Hey Sara, I'm a year out of college, and I sorta fucked up my grad school program, and I lost all my friends I had in college, haven't even been in a relationship since college ended, can't seem to find a job, and generally view myself as a guy whose life is in free fall...I have a therapist/and am on meds...but do you have any other advice for a guy who otherwise feels like his life is total chaos?

It gets better. Graduating college is like getting spat out of a comfortable womb of fun into a cold, bright world of madness. It really does get better as the years go by, and your therapist will help a lot. It’s only been a year. Give yourself time. Go slowly.

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HOORAY! Just got the copy edited pages of my Gatsby-inspired YA novel “Great” from the publisher! 263 pages! Out 4/8/2014!

HOORAY! Just got the copy edited pages of my Gatsby-inspired YA novel “Great” from the publisher! 263 pages! Out 4/8/2014!

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Anonymous asked: I always thought I was 100% rational and fully advocate letting my boyfriend do as he does, but I get insanely jealous when he talks frequently to other single women and I have no clue why - I talk to other single men, they even tell I'm good-looking (to which I respond "thank you" and leave as is) and he says nothing. I haven't told him I get jealous because I get scared he might leave me. I'm scared of what I've become because I'm never normally like this, I just really don't want to lose him.

Hey soul sister, how you durrin’? I get jealous too, especially in the first several months of a relationship. I suppose you and I are a bit insecure. Perhaps we don’t believe we deserve to be loved. Perhaps we always compare ourselves to other women and find ourselves lacking in some fashion.

I think the solution is to tell yourself, every day, as many times as you can, “I love you. You’re fucking awesome. And anyone who can’t see that, doesn’t deserve to be with you anyway!” Don’t make it about your boyfriend. Make it about you.

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Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I are long-distance and it's understood that we both pleasure ourselves, but I feel guilty for watching porn and I don't know why - should I feel guilty for watching other people fuck?

It seems that everybody watches porn at some point or another. I’m not sure why you feel guilty for it — I assure you he doesn’t! Ask yourself why you feel it’s wrong to enjoy something that your boyfriend undoubtedly finds quite entertaining in a guilt-free fashion. This is not to criticize you, but rather to help you to learn a little bit more about yourself. Maybe if you figure out the root of the guilt, you’ll be able to feel better about yourself in particular and porn in general.

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Anonymous asked: Hi, Sara. I'm turning 25 years old in two months and am still living at home with my family. I'm wondering if I 1) Need to find another place to live, or 2) Get a job to put aside money to find my own place?

Well, do you enjoy living with your family? If so, I see no reason to leave anytime soon. If you’re all happy with the arrangement, and you help out around the house to earn your keep, and they don’t drive you fucking bonkers, why not stay? You can save up some money.

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deadletterstolivegirls asked: Sara, I have trouble with the women on okcupid. They don't seem interested in writing me back. What am I doing wrong? My tumblr has some examples of my failures.

Well, it may simply be time to switch to another service, like Match or JDate or whatever. I’ve heard that people have better luck on some websites versus others. Good luck to you! Just remember to be kind and respectful and not too pushy with anyone.