October 2010
112 posts
WatchComedy Central Indecision D.C. Video #2: What If You Were a Senator?
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What's your opinion of Kathy Griffin?
A very funny gal. I used to laugh my ass off at this interstitial she did for Comedy Central when I was a young teen of some sort. Maybe it was the Ha! Network still back then…can’t recall. Anyway, she ate raw cookie dough and talked about her love for Lyle Menendez. It blew my young mind.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and...
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What do you have planned for 2011?
Finishing my book by April. After that, who knows?
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
WatchWHEEEEE! Comedy Central action in D.C.!
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Sara to me, you seem like the type of woman who...
Mostly I look for a dude who eats a lot of pussy. It also helps if he’s funny, smart, and patient.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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I'm 20 yrs old and an aspiring actor, do you ahave...
Take deep breaths, have fun, be on time, don’t chatter incessantly, smile, and send a thank-you note afterwards via email or post.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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What do you do when you get turned down for your...
Well, I suppose you pick yourself up and find another dream job to work towards. I’ve had dream jobs and been turned down for dream jobs. I find it helps to have lots of dream jobs. Makes it likelier you’ll one day get to live the dream.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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I just turned 20 years. I should be seeing this as...
Being 20 sucks. The great part is that it gets better. You’re not going to actually kill yourself, because I’ve decided you aren’t allowed (I’m in charge of this answer, so I get to tell you what to do!) Oh, I fucking hated being 20. I got really depressed and stopped eating and constantly thought about trying to kill myself. Adolescence sucks, and the END of adolescence...
Watch This Amusing Comedy Central Video! I Am In... →
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My gf's sister has a cat that doesn't like me....
Oh, that’s just a cat. Cats can be suspicious little bastards, and very bitchy. That’s typical cat behavior. They’re like the anti-dogs. I adore cats but even a cat owner knows that cats own us. We do not own them.
I’d add that sometimes animals are suspicious of the opposite gender of their owner. I’ve seen this a lot when the owner is a female and the visitor is a...
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I just realized how out of the dating game I am -...
Ask him/her to just hang out…you don’t have to call it a date or anything spooky like that. Say you have an extra ticket to a thing, or ask him/her to come to a party you’re throwing or to drop by a bar where you’ll be celebrating some sort of occasion. Good luck! xoox
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake...
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As a guy, "making out" involves having sex. For...
I think you’re the only guy who believes that “making out” equals sex.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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How does it feel to be one of the great...
Fanfuckingtastic.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Tell me my future: I need to read about 2,100...
You’re going to be too tired to jerk off. Welcome to higher education!
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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If you could interview 3 people (dead or alive)...
Mary Magdalene (who probably didn’t exist), Molly Ivins (heroine and role model to moi), and the Kardashian family gynecologist.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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How do I read faster?
Stop asking me so many questions and focus.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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So I really like this guy, and he definitely likes...
I don’t think you should. He can get his ass (and the rest of him) out of that relationship, and then you kittens can talk. You’ll be happier and feel better, and that is what is most important, mister!
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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What were your parents' initial reaction to your...
Mom = confused support. Dad = confused trepidation followed by tentative support. Once I started getting paid, Dad got on board with a quickness. He’s all about it now.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Guys should totally STOP going "metro" with skinny...
Nah, it’s cool. The spray-tan guido fucks annoy me, but the dandy straights and the fancy gays are amusing.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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You've mentioned your eating issues...
Well, I suppose you’re depressed as all fuck. Therefore, everything seems worthless to you. I’d work on that (with a professional) and you’ll start to heal the eating issue after that, or along with it. Good luck.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Do you have a political philosophy or ideology?
Liberal faggotry.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Do you remember your 1st stand up routine?How did...
I think I imitated a dolphin. Life-altering.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Why do people like Mad Men?
There are a lot of bored white people who enjoy watching other bored white people in fun costumes.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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When I saw Agoraphobia, you admitted to a small...
Oh, I’m guessing that’s just natural. I mean, I don’t have alopecia or something. I just have a weird hairline, which I probably contributed to through poor living. But anyway, you’re fine.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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My father, who I'm temporarily living with, is...
Um, that’s totally disgusting. I’d say you need to have a frank discussion with him and get him to stick to a schedule with that. After all, you need to work around his habits, since you’re living with him. Tell him to turn up the music or something.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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.. what scares me most of all. What should I do? I...
Right now you feel like you’ve got this big secret inside you, and you want to tell everyone you love so that they know you better. You’re probably the type of gal who shares a lot of info with her family, regardless of how well you get alone with them. I am also of your tribe. In fact, I once decided to announce to my dad via phone that I was bisexual, conveniently forgetting that it...
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Are you gonna do any more "Gettin wet" episodes?...
Oh, definitely gonna do more Gettin’ Wet episodes. I want to shoot at least one the next time I’m in L.A., and I think I’m gonna do a New York one soon with a comics writer person.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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I'm going to see "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"...
I’ve never been to it, but apparently it is sexy if you wear black fishnets?
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Last night I went on a date with a woman and we...
If she hasn’t contacted you, she’s either super-busy or not into it. Either way, overtexting/calling/Facebooking is NOT the way to go. Stop contacting her. She’ll be more into it if she has to work to get your attention.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Do you think the word "ussy" as in "weak" is...
I’m sure it is on some level…but calling someone a “dick” is anti-man then, I suppose. And an “asshole” is gender-neutral!
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Any pet peeves?
Entitled brats.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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How long does it usually take to develop a sketch?
It’s been a hot minute since I wrote a sketch with other humans. When I do vlogs in character, I usually go into it with a few key points I want to hit, and then I improvise for awhile and cut the non-hilarious/freaky shit out in editing.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Why do you wear leggings but not skinny jeans?...
Yes, but I wear leggings UNDER shit.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Where do we find pictures of you sans clothing?
In the films that play inside the heads of my mournful ex-lovers each and every moment of each and every day.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Any Holloween plans?
I may or may not be doing political commentary on live international television while dressed as a cat (if so, it’ll be on Friday the 29th). On Halloween itself, I will be returning from a four-day orgy of work and play for Comedy Central down in D.C.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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If Christine O'Donnell gets elected, will Delaware...
No, but I will thank the Lord for this wonderful gift, as will all other comedians in the land.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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Sara, Who/what inspires your comedy?
Fear, family, sex, work. Probably in that order.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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So I have been friends with a recovering anorexic...
First, don’t assume that their words reflect her interest. They may have trumped it up to make it sound larger than it actually is. Then again, they may have downplayed it. I’d wait for this young woman to actually approach you before you have this sensitive discussion with her.
Second, remember that she is in charge of her own recovery, not you. Your job is not to protect her from...
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my exgirlfriend got caught sending boob pics to a...
Honey, this girl is not for you. She may be a totally awesome person and a real hottie. I’m not making a judgment on her qualities as a human being, a friend, or a lover. But she was sending titty pics to a mutual acquaintance, and then you “ignored” her and she found a new guy right away? I have been this girl. She has to work some things out before she can really and truly be...
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Sara, I feel that President Obama is doing a...
First, my parents and I thank you for calling me a “political analyst” and not what I generally call myself, which is “disturbed clown.” Second, yes, I definitely still support him. Some liberals are acting like whiny babies who thought that the cake they bought in 2008 would cure cancer, produce live unicorn babies, and give everybody an orgasm. It’s just a cake....
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An ex and I have been living apart for several...
Oh, I think it’s definitely possible. You are both the same people that you were back then, but it is entirely possible that you have amended or changed some behaviors/opinions in the intervening time, and this may ensure a happier relationship. Just be wary that people do not fundamentally change. For example, just to exaggerate, let’s say your ex had a giant coke problem and it...
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Do you find black guys attractive?
Only the hot ones. That’s pretty much how I feel about white guys, Latino guys, Asian guys, Native American guys, and every other potential socially constructed category of guy.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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How do you get out of the Midwest?
Just keep driving until you hit Nevada.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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I don't agree with you saying people are...
I’m sorry, are we in therapy now? This is Formspring, not an involved and multilayered discussion of the complexities of human relationships. I react to what I get. What I got was a tale of douchebaggery.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
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I had sex today and it was lovely! But there was...
Not very. But you ought to be getting tested regularly if you’re having sex with more than one partner. Get tested now and again every six months. And if you get into a relationship, get tested in the beginning and six months in.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
