January 2011
53 posts
1 tag
Hey, my girlfriend was recently contacted by her...
That sounds like the worst fucking idea I’ve ever heard of. This lady needs a good lawyer and, if necessary, to clean up her life in whatever way the court directs so that she can regain partial or full custody of her child. Of course she shouldn’t get back together with this abusive asshole. It’ll only send the message to the kid that it’s okay to beat the shit out of...
1 tag
I'm one of your internet stalkers. How would I go...
Show up and pay cash monaaaaay. We’re not doing an advance ticket link for this one, alas.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
Dustin Abel: Comedy Jokes: Pursuit of Laughingness →
dustinabel:
This is a good read. It comes from comedian Sara Benincasa’s Formspring page, and definitely makes you want to weigh your own options.
From Sara Benincasa’s Formspring:
Question: I made the choice to abandon a future of soul-crushing research to pursue comedy. As you may know, a lot of…
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Hey Sara, I want to take my wife to see your show...
Dude, I WANT your wife to go into labor during my show! BTW here are those details:
BAD ROMANCE:
A Comedy Show About Love & Other Messy Stuff
Tuesday, February 15th at 7:30 PM
Noi’s Nook at Go Mamma Go!
1809 14th St. NW
$10
Sara Benincasa (MTV, CNN, NBC Today Show, CBS Early Show)
Hillary Buckholtz (Boston Women In Comedy Festival, I’m Remembering!)
Benari Poulten...
1 tag
Dear Sara -- Is Troy Aikman gay? I hope he is...
How would I know? I ain’t tried to fuck the dude, and also, I don’t have a dick.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
When BF& I started dating we had sex constantly....
Ooh, this is a really common problem. You know that saying, “Garbage in, garbage out?” It is also true for “sexytime.” “Sexytime in, sexytime out.” You’ve got a lot on your brain, and we need to make some room for the fucksies. I’m going to answer this in the next episode of my new web series, “Your Awesome Life.” Hooray!...
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I broke up with my exgf, and 2 weeks later, she...
Just let it be. Don’t reach out to her. Be kind but distant if she contacts you. You may become friends in the future, but you folks need your space right now. Don’t feel guilty; you did the right thing. Take care of yourself. It is not your job to take care of her.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical...
1 tag
How is it there are so many drag queens who make...
If this question is from a girl: Because those bitches work harder. If this question is from a guy: Because you’re gay.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
hitRECordJoe: The Social Network & My Generationan... →
hitrecordjoe:
The Social Network & My Generation an open letter to my friend Peter Travers Peter, Hey man! So, I finally watched The Social Network the other night, and today I read your review of it, curious about your claim that this film defines my generation. First let me say, I agree that…
That Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one smart, smart cat.
1 tag
I just spent my lunch hour watching your youtube...
Thanks, sugar! Glad you liked ‘em. Well, I am inclined to smile, so I’m going with JeffStar, though Stevie Nicks is my spirit animal.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
I am a female comedian who is constantly...
No. Lisa Lamp has hot knockers and she’s doing great. I’m hot as shit and I’m doing okay. And look at @sarahksilverman, Tina Fey, Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Amy Sedaris, etc. These women are gorgeous and funny. Consider the possibility that you’re not funny. Now work hard at writing better jokes.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM)...
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would you agree that what makes comedy work in...
I have heard “laughter is the sound of surprise” as well as “laughter is the sound of recognition” (the latter from my teacher, Ali Farahnakian.) So I absolutely agree with you. Sometimes people laugh when they realize they’re not alone in the world. Other times, they’re just drunk.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM)...
1 tag
Do you have any less than obvious tattoos or...
Three tramp stamps, muthafucka. Three hilarious relics of my late teens through midtwenties.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
If Roethlisberger smashed through your door...
Thanks for the horrific home invasion imagery. I don’t actually know if he committed a crime or not. I wasn’t there. I can tell you this: you can’t change a sex offender. They don’t get rehabilitated. They just do it again and again and again until somebody locks them up forever or until they die. See William Kennedy Smith. See what he’s been up to since the...
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Can I be your daddy? And by that I mean in an...
I have no interest in working out some father fantasy in the bedroom. I’d rather just talk to my dad about the Jets, sans swapping of fluids.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
formspring.me
Love/sex/other advice queries answered here, by an unprofessional! http://formspring.me/SaraJBenincasa
1 tag
I made the choice to abandon a future of...
Good for you! Everyone’s story is different, so read mine with the knowledge that it is neither a prescription or a cautionary tale; it is simply the path I took.
I realized in grad school for education that I didn’t want to be a teacher. A friend in my class had just quit her job at Comedy Central, and she told me I was funny and ought to try stand-up. I loved it, and I also loved...
undertrees asked: Hi Sara!
I have been waylaid by a really nasty cold today. Luckily, I am in luxurious enough of a position to spend the day in bed, watching movies and recouping. What's your favourite "feel better" movie?
I have been waylaid by a really nasty cold today. Luckily, I am in luxurious enough of a position to spend the day in bed, watching movies and recouping. What's your favourite "feel better" movie?
malkywinter asked: When I was just a wee boy I had a kite. It was great fun for at least 2 weeks. After a while though it lost its luster. I grew up a bit and then tried roller blading, that only lasted a day. So, cleavage, are guys supposed to look or not?!
1 tag
whats your favorite and least favorite part about...
I guess with ladies, I sometimes find myself waiting for the dick to come out. Which it never does. With dudes…hmmm. Sometimes the dick can cause chafing? And worrying about getting knocked up SUCKS. I’d say that with both genders, the important thing is that your lover be caring, experimental (within reason), energetic, and devoted to your pleasure and to his/her own pleasure.
I...
1 tag
My evil angry vagina doesn't want to let my...
When our giners hurt during sexytime, something is generally afoot—emotionally, mentally, and very occasionally physically. Just for the hell of it, get your giner checked out at the gyno. Chances are, you’re fine, but it’s never a BAD idea to get your puss looked at by a capable professional.
Plenty of gals have trouble lubing up naturally. Alcohol, medications, diet,...
A Podcast in Which I Discuss Seeing Neil Gaiman... →
Anonymous asked: I've fallen in love with a woman on Twitter who lives states away from me. She say's she loves me too. We've texted, talked on the phone, exchanged emails, pictures, and videos. Are these feelings for real?
A Podcast Where I Discuss Donald Glover's Cock →
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I just recently lost my virginity and I've noticed...
Congratulations! Welcome to the wide world of doin’ it! Double congrats on not being a one-minute man. Many women will love you long time, literally. You got skillz! It seems you’d like to get off sooner during intercourse, however. My guess is that you may be used to cumming in one way after many years of masturbation. This is what my friend Dr. Ian Kerner, Ph.D refers to as...
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What made you decide to stop eating red meat? Or...
My friends @jamiekilstein and @allisonkilkenny were influential in my decision, as was PETA and my love for animals in general. I’m still eating eggs, fish, butter, and milk. But this has forced me to really up my vegetable game. I find I don’t really miss meat yet. And I love spaghetti bolognese. Okay, I miss meat sauce. But since I was a child, I’ve always been grossed out by...
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Do you think Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann...
Probably not “on.” Maybe “in.” Are you familiar with the workings of sex? It’s time to go to the library.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
My new friend has a dog whose name is the same as...
Yeah man, you gotta slow your roll on that one. People are REALLY into their dogs, and also their babies. Ask her if she has a nickname for it. Or look at this as an opportunity to heal your relationship to this name.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
Gay guy but have a thing about not wanting to rim...
No, you just don’t want to eat someone’s asshole out. I’d say that’s an extremely sensible and normal instinct.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
micropsialies asked: How does it feel to be a Lucky-Dip Box of answers to life's stickiest, smelliest, smallest & simplest examples of the human condition? P.S. you're way hot & I'm way gay & I'll way regret this in the morning & I'll way blame it on the Smirnoff. I digress. You remind me of my best friend. I'll stop here.
Anonymous asked: Dear Sarah, I am trying to cook lobster for my girlfriend and some friends.... advice?
Anonymous asked: I've only "titty fucked" (I'm typically not one to use such language, but a more respectful term fails me) a girl once, and sadly failed to ask if it did anything for her. My question to you is, well, does it do anything for the lady? Does breast/penis size/ratio matter?
1 tag
How would I get started in comedy? What do I need...
Read this: http://www.formspring.me/SaraJBenincasa/q/2016945206
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
Why do you think some guys are into pulling a...
Maybe from watching porn. It can be fun and pleasurable for the lady, though! I enjoy it sometimes.
I can fix your life, explain your future, make sense of Science (TM) and/or Religion, and give fake medical diagnoses!
1 tag
My husband has erectile dysfunction and I can't...
Get divorced. You’re young and you can find someone better. If he refuses to get help or go to the doctor because he’s too much of a fucking coward and would rather torment you than deal with his own weakness, he’s a loser. I always say, “I don’t care what your problem is. If you’re willing to work on it, I’m willing to help.” He ain’t willing....
Moving to Brooklyn--Advice?
Children, I find myself considering a springtime move to Brooklyn. Advice on awesome brokers/sites/mgmt companies to try and shitty brokers/sites/mgmt companies to avoid? I’d like rent to be no more than $1700/month for a one-bedroom. Oh, and if YOU have a place opening 5/1, just let me know. Thank you kindly for your services.