Sara Benincasa Lives Here

I girl I know (before we knew each other properly) drunk messaged me on OKC one night and I messaged her back (I was also not sober). Is there no good time to bring this up? I'm guessing not.

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 03:33:18 -0400

Nope. Just let it ride until you become true BFFs. Then you can both laugh about it.

Can you write about about loving yourself or something because you're just incredible at making me feel happy. Reading all the responses to your asks makes everyday life so much easier. I wish I had friends like you!!

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 03:32:38 -0400

Thank you so much! I know I took awhile to answer this, but you have made me quite happy.

I suppose one key practice in which I engage is actually telling myself, “I love you” whenever I look in a mirror. This does not mean I have a huge attitude or something; nor does it mean I don’t struggle with self-doubt and self-loathing. What it means is that each time I see my own reflection, I affirm love of everything that is there, even the things I am trying to change (like fat rolls!) I speak to myself as a very loving and accepting mother would to a child. I know it sounds like hippie bullshit, but over the years it has given me comfort.

This guy I'm dating has had a really troubled life. And he's been opening up to me more and more recently about it, but every time he tells me something I never know how to react. I don't think I should be reassuring him that things are ok or whatever, because I mean, this stuff's already happened to him. But I also don't want to seem uncaring or unsympathetic. My feeling is that I should just be here to listen and accept him and hug him after, but I just don't know if I should be doing more...

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 03:28:43 -0400

I think listening is great. Sometimes folks don’t want a solution or directions; they simply want a kind witness to their stories.

I'm experiencing a interesting situation. I am appreciating the little things more and more. To the point where I can get a lot of pleasure from simple things like the feel of a cup or the light from a lamppost. I am also finding that as I enjoy the small things I am not understanding people as much. I am getting sick of them more and more. I still like being social I just don't expect anything from them. I feel as though they are related but I don't know everything. Thanks

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 03:27:38 -0400

Well, it sounds like you are a highly sensitive person who is tuned into the world around you. You experience thoughts and sensations in a heightened manner. You are probably a talented artist and/or communicator. But it is possible that you also feel pain and suffering quite deeply. Perhaps the normal “stuff” of everyday people annoys you because you are so perceptive, like an emotional sponge — you can’t just block it out or turn it off. I am making guesses here, of course. I encourage you to continue to engage with people, balancing human interaction with alone time. You may find the book “Full Catastrophe Living” and various mindfulness meditation practices to be quite helpful in cultivating patience as well as savoring the moment. You might also seek a counselor or psychologist to employ as a guide in your journey. This is not because anything is wrong with you. I just think you might benefit from having an unbiased confidante.

This is for your Lexapro anon, if it helps--I was on Lexapro for a few years, as was my girlfriend at the time! We were both on relatively low doses, but it didn't seem to affect our sex life at all. In fact, I don't remember any real negative side effects at all. That said, however, we are both biological females, so that might not help for said anon. But yeah, my experience with Lexapro was pretty positive!

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 03:18:35 -0400

That is great to hear!

Is it weird that I suddenly find dating as an adult to be a really lonely process? Or as lonely as a process where you meet people can be.

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 12:24:22 -0400

Dating can be lonely as fuck. Try to look for friends before you look for lovers.

The previous virgin question prompted me to ask one of my own. I'm a twenty-one year old virgin, who has never had a girlfriend. I was very shy in high school and early on in college, but recently I've sought help to deal with my anxiety and depression which has helped me open up more. Since I spent a very long time in my shell, I'm having trouble approaching women and trying to let them see my true personality. What can I do to progress in my journey to be a comfortable and confident guy?

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 12:23:36 -0400

I would say it’s best to just think of women as regular people with whom you have human interactions. Like, we don’t have hidden fangs or magical powers. Treat us with the kindness and respect with which you would presumably treat dudes. Listen to us, talk to us, take a genuine interest in our lives. Don’t just think of us as potential lovaaaahz — that will make you nervous. Approach girls for friendship first. And remember to breathe. You’re going to do just fine.

I am going to be starting Lexapro starting next week to treat my depression, and I am terrified. Did you ever have concerns with going on medication regarding their effects on your personality and how you live your life? Also, have you ever had to deal with sexual side effects of antidepressants? Particularly I was wondering if you've been with a guy who took them and whether he was affected sexually. Thanks!

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 12:20:41 -0400

Hello! I did have a sexytime issue on Paxil, and I know a dude who had sexytime issues on Effexor. Now I am on Prozac and my business works just fine. HOWEVER. Every single person is different. I know people who love Prozac and people who do not like it. Any one medication can affect different folks in different ways. Just go slowly, note any side effects and tell your doctor, and remember that side effects often pass after about 4 to 8-ish weeks. You can always try another drug under a doctor’s supervision. Good luck! I am glad you are addressing your depression.

Brought here from The JV Club podcast. :) I have no question, but I'd just like to say that I really enjoyed your episode with Janet. -and omg Sleepaway camp! I remember being like 11 and renting the first one for my birthday party, and later watching all the others. I'm glad I'm not the only one. haha

Sun, 09 Jun 2013 01:25:33 -0400

Thank you honey! Pamela Springsteen forever!!!

Soul-eater.

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 22:17:26 -0400

Soul-eater.

7th grade beauty pageant. C cup. #tbt #throwbackthursday

Thu, 30 May 2013 19:45:00 -0400

7th grade beauty pageant. C cup. #tbt #throwbackthursday

I live with my mom while I work a full-time job and pay off my student loans. I recently started dating a great guy who also lives with his folks because his mom is very sick. I want to be able to have my boyfriend over without having my mom around, and I need her to understand that I would like to have a sexual relationship with him in the house without it being awkward. How do I go about discussing this with her? She doesn't seem to get it when I drop hints.

Sun, 26 May 2013 18:16:44 -0400

Well, remember that it’s her house. You live there by her grace and generosity. So don’t tell her; ask her permission.

This will quite possibly the vainest question I've ever asked anyone, so please bear with me. As a Latino man I have learned the hard way that my ex-Latina girlfriends have always treated me less well and are less enamored with me than my White ones. What's up with that? Are White women just nicer?

Sun, 26 May 2013 18:15:43 -0400

We’re bred to make nicey-nice and be sweet and compliant (except for redneck women and Eastern European women and…fuck, this generalization is not working out.) I dunno, man. Coincidence?

Babystagram! (I borrowed her.)

Sun, 26 May 2013 14:29:35 -0400

Babystagram! (I borrowed her.)

Beachstagram #california

Sun, 26 May 2013 14:22:39 -0400

Beachstagram #california

Hi sara, so I don't know if college is for me. I love comedy and I want to be apart of the community. My dream is to do stand up or satirical writing. I didn't do the best in high school because of my parents and getting use to a divorce. I am now a year into community college and I hate it. I have been very unhappy and all I do is write jokes and dumb sketch ideas? What do you think I should do because I am kind of at the end of a rope? P.S. You are amazing

Sun, 26 May 2013 01:14:24 -0400

Move to the nearest big city (or NY or Chicago) and start doing stand-up and sketch for real. Work the jobs you need to work in order to make a living. Spend your free time doing what you love the most. You can always go back to school once you figure out a good reason for it. Check out Second City, iO, UCBT, the PIT, the Magnet, and Groundlings. Learn about your craft before you make this big leap. If it still feels right after you’ve done your research, go for it!

Sara, how the hell is one supposed to know they're in love? For real.

Fri, 24 May 2013 18:46:16 -0400

I think it is when you want to hang out with somebody forever.

Dear Sara, I'm a 26 year old woman and a virgin. I was ultra religious until I was 23 and by the time i came to terms with myself (and realize that sex isn't going to send me to hell) then I was just awkward around guys. Now I really just want to loose my V-card and be done with it but I don't know what to do about it... any advice?

Fri, 24 May 2013 18:37:05 -0400

Study up! Read books like “Moregasm” and “The Guide to Getting It On.” Study Babeland’s website. Make yourself feel good before you expect anyone else to do it. Get to know your body. Fantasize! Make it an awesome project. You are going to have so much fun.

Hey Sara, I'm a year out of college, and I sorta fucked up my grad school program, and I lost all my friends I had in college, haven't even been in a relationship since college ended, can't seem to find a job, and generally view myself as a guy whose life is in free fall...I have a therapist/and am on meds...but do you have any other advice for a guy who otherwise feels like his life is total chaos?

Fri, 24 May 2013 18:35:22 -0400

It gets better. Graduating college is like getting spat out of a comfortable womb of fun into a cold, bright world of madness. It really does get better as the years go by, and your therapist will help a lot. It’s only been a year. Give yourself time. Go slowly.

#throwbackthursday Bathtub time!

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:53:11 -0400

#throwbackthursday Bathtub time!